Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Cotterstock (n.)

A piece of wood used to stir paint and thereafter stored uselessly in a shed in perpetuity.


Monday, July 30, 2012

Bursledon (n.)

The bluebottle one is too tired to get up and start, but not tired enough to sleep through.


Sunday, July 29, 2012

High Limerigg (n.)

The topmost tread of a staircase which disappears when you're climbing the stairs in the darkness.

High Limerigg

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Skibbereen (n.)

The noise made by a sunburned thighs leaving plastic chair.


Friday, July 27, 2012

Duluth (adj.)

The smell of a taxi out of which people have just got.


Thursday, July 26, 2012

Blithbury (n.)

A look someone gives you by which you become aware that they're much too drunk to have understood anything you've said to them in the last twenty minutes.


Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Shrivenham (n.)

One of Germaine Greer's used-up lovers.


Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Cranleigh (n.)

A mood of irrational irritation with everyone and everything.


Monday, July 23, 2012

Burbage (n.)

The sound made by a liftful of people all trying to breathe politely through their noses.


Sunday, July 22, 2012

Hoddlesden (n.)

An 'injured' footballer's limp back into the game which draws applause but doesn't fool anybody.


Saturday, July 21, 2012

Sittingbourne (n.)

One of those conversions where both people are waiting for the other one to shut up so they can get on with their bit.


Friday, July 20, 2012

Bolsover (n.)

One of those brown plastic trays with bumps on, placed upside down in boxes of chocolates to make you think you're-getting two layers.


Thursday, July 19, 2012

Silloth (n.)

Something that was sticky, and is now furry, found on the carpet under the sofa the morning after a party.


Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Hoylake (n.)

The pool of edible gravy which surrounds an inedible and disgusting lump of meat - eaten to give the impression that the person is 'just not very hungry, but mmm this is delicious'. Cf. Peaslake - a similar experience had by vegetarians.


Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Brisbane (n.)

A perfectly reasonable explanation (Such as the one offered by a person with a gurgling cough which has nothing to do with the fact that they smoke fifty cigarettes a day.)


Monday, July 16, 2012

Dogdyke (vb.)

Of dog-owners, to adopt the absurd pretence that the animal shitting in the gutter is nothing to do with them.


Sunday, July 15, 2012

Hathersage (n.)

The tiny snippets of beard which coat the inside of a washbasin after shaving in it.


Saturday, July 14, 2012

Lowestoft (n.)

(a) The balls of wool which collect on nice new sweaters. (b) The correct name for 'navel fluff'.


Friday, July 13, 2012

Brough Sowerby (n.)

One who has been working at that same desk in the same office for fifteen years and has very much his own ideas about why he is continually passed over for promotion.

Brough Sowerby

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Golant (adj.)

Blank, sly and faintly embarrassed. Pertaining to the expression seen on the face of someone who has clearly forgotten your name.


Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Scrabster (n.)

One of those dogs which has it off on your leg during tea.


Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Low Ardwell (n.)

Seductive remark made hopefully in the back of a taxi.

Low Ardwell

Monday, July 9, 2012

Burnt Yates (pl. n.)

Condition to which yates (q.v.) will suddenly pass without any apparent interviewing period, after the spirit of the throckmorton (q.v.) has finally been summoned by incessant throcking (q.v.)

Burnt Yates

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Pott Shrigley (n.)

Dried remains of a week-old casserole, eaten when extremely drunk at two a.m.

Pott Shrigley

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Clenchwarton (n. archaic)

One who assists an exorcist by squeezing whichever part of the possessed the exorcist deems useful.


Friday, July 6, 2012

Scrabby (n.)

A curious-shaped duster given to you by your mother which on closer inspection turns out to be half an underpant.


Thursday, July 5, 2012

Beaulieu Hill (n.)

The optimum vantage point from which one to view people undressing in the bedroom across the street.

Beaulieu Hill

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Tolstachaolais (phr.)

What the police in Leith require you to say in order to prove that you are not drunk.


Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Ambleside (n.)

A talk given about the Facts of Life by a father to his son whilst walking in the garden on a Sunday afternoon.


Monday, July 2, 2012

Harpenden (n.)

The coda to a phone conversion, consisting of about eight exchanges, by which people try gracefully to get off the line.


Sunday, July 1, 2012

Longniddry (n.)

A droplet which persists in running out of your nose.