Symond’s Yat (n.)

The little spoonful inside the lid of a recently opened boiled egg.

Symond’s Yat

Hunsingore (n.)

Medieval ceremonial brass horn with which the successful execution of an araglin (q.v.) is trumpeted from the castle battlements.

Hunsingore

Trantlemore (vb.)

To make a noise like a train crossing a set of points.

Trantlemore

Beccles (n.)

The small bone buttons placed in bacon sandwiches by unemployed guerrilla dentist.

Beccles

Scraptoft (n.)

The absurd flap of hair a vain and balding man grows long above one ear to comb it to the other ear.

Scraptoft

Clunes (pl.n.)

People who just won't go.

Clunes

Burlingjobb (n.archaic)

A seventeenth-century crime by which excrement is thrown into the street from a ground-floor window.

Burlingjobb

Pudsey (n.)

The curious-shaped flat wads of dough left on a kitchen table after someone has been cutting scones out of it.

Pudsey

Skenfrith (n.)

The flakes of athlete's foot found inside socks.

Skenfrith

Botusfleming (n. medical)

A small, long-handled steel trowel used by surgeons to remove the contents of a patient's nostrils prior to a sinus operation.

Botusfleming

Huttoft (n.)

The fibrous algae which grows in the dark, moist environment of trouser turn-ups.

Huttoft

Swanibost (adj.)

Complete shagged out after a hard day having income tax explained to you.

Swanibost

Dolgellau (n.)

The clump, or cluster, of bored, quietly enraged, mildly embarrassed men waiting for their wives to come out of a changing room in a dress shop.

Dolgellau

Budby (n.)

A nipple clearly defined through flimsy or wet material.

Budby

Lubcroy (n.)

The telltale little lump in the top of your swimming trunks which tells you you are going to have to spend half an hour with a safety pin trying to pull the drawstring out again.

Lubcroy

Skellow (adj.)

Descriptive of the satisfaction experienced when looking at a really good dry-stone wall.

Skellow

Goole (n.)

The puddle on the bar into which the barman puts your change.

Goole

Stebbing (n.)

The erection you cannot conceal because you're not wearing a jacket.

Stebbing

Bradford (n.)

A school teacher's old hairy jacket, now severely discoloured by chalk dust, ink, egg and the precipitations of unedifying chemical reactions.

Bradford

Haugham (n.)

One who loudly informs other diners in a restaurant what kind of man he is by calling for the chef by his christian name from the lobby.

Haugham

Spittal of Glenshee (n.)

That which has to be cleaned off castle floors in the morning after a bagpipe contest or vampire attack.

Spittal of Glenshee

Ardslignish (adj.)

Adjective which describes the behaviour of Sellotape when you are tired.

Ardslignish

Trewoofe (n.)

A very thick and heavy drift of snow balanced precariously on the edoge of a door porch waiting for what it judges to be the correct moment to fall. From the ancient Greek legend 'The Trewoofe of Damocles'.

Trewoofe

Simprim (n.)

The little movement of false modesty by which a girl with a cavernous visible cleavage pulls her skirt down over her knees.

Simprim

Hutlerburn (n.archaic)

A burn sustained as a result of the behaviour of a clumsy hutler. (The precise duties of hutlers are now lost in the mists of history.)

Hutlerburn

Benburb (n.)

The sort of man who becomes a returning officer.

Benburb

Screggan (n. banking)

The crossed-out bit caused by people putting the wrong year on their cheques all through January.

Screggan

Condover (n.)

One who is employed to stand about all day browsing through the magazine racks in the newsagent.

Condover

Luffness (n.)

Hearty feeling that comes from walking on the moors with gumboots and cold ears.

Luffness

Hucknall (vb.)

To crouch upwards: as in the movement of a seated person's feet and legs made in order to allow a cleaner's hoover to pass beneath them.

Hucknall