The Meaning of Liff

That which has to be cleaned off castle floors in the morning after a bagpipe contest or vampire attack. Spittal of Glenshee

Adjective which describes the behaviour of Sellotape when you are tired. Ardslignish

A very thick and heavy drift of snow balanced precariously on the edoge of a door porch waiting for what it judges to be the correct moment ...

The little movement of false modesty by which a girl with a cavernous visible cleavage pulls her skirt down over her knees. Simprim

A burn sustained as a result of the behaviour of a clumsy hutler. (The precise duties of hutlers are now lost in the mists of history.) H...

The sort of man who becomes a returning officer. Benburb

The crossed-out bit caused by people putting the wrong year on their cheques all through January. Screggan

One who is employed to stand about all day browsing through the magazine racks in the newsagent. Condover

Hearty feeling that comes from walking on the moors with gumboots and cold ears. Luffness

To crouch upwards: as in the movement of a seated person's feet and legs made in order to allow a cleaner's hoover to pass beneath t...

Uncovered bit between two shops with awnings, which you have to cross when it's raining. Sotterley

An infuriating person who always manages to look much more dashing that anyone else by turning up unshaven and hangover at a formal party. ...

Apparently self-propelled little dance a beer glass performs in its own puddle. Sketty

That part of the toenail which is designed to snag on nylon sheets. Brecon

Any garden implement found in a potating shed whose exact purpose is unclear. Haxby

A pair of wooden trousers worn by poultry-keepers in the Middle Ages. Goosecruives

That peculiarly tuneless humming and whistling adopted by people who are extremely angry. Burleston

The cigarette end someone discovers in the mouthful of lager they have just swigged from a can at the end of party. Slumbay

Of waiters, never to have a pen. Aynho

The useless epaulettes on an expensive raincoat. Trossachs

The irrevocable and sturdy fart released in the presence of royalty, which sounds quite like a small motorbike passing by (but not enough to...