Clunes (pl.n.)

People who just won't go.

Clunes

Condover (n.)

One who is employed to stand about all day browsing through the magazine racks in the newsagent.

Condover

Corriemuchloch (n.)

Word describing the kind of person who can make a complete mess of a simple job like walking down a corridor.

Corriemuchloch

Corstorphine (n.)

A very short peremptory service held in monasteries prior to teatime to offer thanks for the benediction of digestive biscuits.

Corstorphine

Cotterstock (n.)

A piece of wood used to stir paint and thereafter stored uselessly in a shed in perpetuity.

Cotterstock

Cranleigh (n.)

A mood of irrational irritation with everyone and everything.

Cranleigh

Clenchwarton (n. archaic)

One who assists an exorcist by squeezing whichever part of the possessed the exorcist deems useful.

Clenchwarton

Clathy (adj.)

Nervously indecisive about how safely to dispose of a dud lightbulb.

Clathy

Clackavoid (n.)

Technical BBC term for a page of dialogue from Blake's Seven.

Clackavoid

Chenies (pl.n.)

The last few sprigs or tassels of last Christmas's decoration you notice on the ceiling while lying on the sofa on an August afternoon.

Chenies

Camer (n.)

A mis-tossed caber.

Camer

Cairnpat (n.)

A large piece of dried dung found in mountainous terrain above the cowline which leads the experienced tracker to believe that hikers have recently passed.

Cairnpat

Caarnduncan (n.)

The high-pitched and insistent cry of the young female human urging one of its peer group to do something dangerous on a cliff-edge or piece of toxic waste ground.

Caarnduncan

Clackmannan (n.)

The sound made by knocking over an elephant's-foot umbrella stand full of walking sticks. Hence name for a particular kind of disco drum riff.

Clackmannan

Chicago (n.)

The foul-smelling wind which precedes an underground railway train.

Chicago

Corriearklet (n.)

The moment at which two people approaching from opposite ends of a long passageway, recognise each other and immediately pretend they haven't. This is to avoid the ghastly embarrassment of having to continue recognising each other the whole length of the corridor.

Corriearklet

Corriemoillie (n.)

The dreadful sinking sensation in a long passageway encounter when both protagonists immediately realize they have plumped for the corriedoo (q.v.) much too early as they are still a good thirty yards apart. They were embarrassed by the pretense of corriecravie (q.v.) and decided to make use of the corriedoo because they felt silly. This was a mistake as corrievorrie (q.v.) will make them seem far sillier.

Corriemoillie

Crail (n. mineral)

Crail is a common kind of rock or gravel found widely across the British Isles. Each individual stone (due to an as yet undiscovered gravitational property) is charged with 'negative buoyancy'. This means that no matter how much crail you remove from the garden, more of it will rise to the surface. Crail is much employed by the Royal Navy for making the paperweights and ashtrays used inside submarines.

Crail

Corfu (n.)

The dullest person you met during the course of your holiday. Also the only one who failed to understand that the exchanging of addresses at the end of a holiday is merely a social ritual and is absolutely not an invitation to phone you up and turn up unannounced on your doorstep three months later.

Corfu

Chipping ongar (n.)

The disgust and embarrassment (or 'ongar') felt by an observer in the presence of a person festooned with kirbies (q.v.) when they don't know them well enough to tell them to wipe them off, invariably this 'ongar' is accompanied by an involuntary staccato twitching of the leg (or 'chipping')

Chipping ongar