Minchinhampton (n.)

The expression on a man's face when he has just zipped up his trousers without due care and attention.

Minchinhampton

Melcombe regis (n.)

The name of the style of decoration used in cocktail lounges in mock Tudor hotels in Surrey.

Melcombe regis

Marlow (n.)

The bottom drawer in the kitchen your mother keeps her paper bags in.

Marlow

Market Deeping (participial vb.)

Stealing one piece of fruit from a street fruit-and- vegetable stall.

Market Deeping

Meathop (n.)

One who sets off for the scene of an aircraft crash with a picnic hamper.

Meathop

Maaruig (n.)

The inexpressible horror experienced on walking up in the morning and remembering that you are Andy Stewart.

Maaruig

Mapledurham (n.)

A hideous piece of chipboard veneer furniture bought in a suburban high street furniture store and designed to hold exactly a year's supply of Sunday colour supplements.

Mapledurham

Monks toft (n.)

The bundle of hair which is left after a monk has been tonsured, which he keeps tired up with a rubber band and uses for chasing ants away.

Monks toft

Mankinholes (pl.n.)

The small holes in a loaf of bread which give rise to the momentary suspicion that something may have made its home within.

Mankinholes

Meath (adj.)

Warm and very slightly clammy. Descriptive of the texture of your hands after the automatic drying machine has turned itself off, just damp enough to make it embarrassing if you have to shake hands with someone immediately afterwards.

Meath

Munderfield (n.)

A meadow selected, whilst driving past, as being ideal for a picnic which, from a sitting position, turns out to be full of stubble, dust and cowpats, and almost impossible to enjoy yourself in.

Munderfield

Massachusetts (pl.n.)

Those items and particles which people who, after blowing their noses, are searching for when they look into their hankies.

Massachusetts

Molesby (n.)

The kind of family that drives to the seaside and then sits in the car with all the windows closed, reading the Sunday Express and wearing sidcups (q.v.)

Molesby

Mugeary (n. medical)

The substance from which the unpleasant little yellow globules in the corners of a sleepy person's eyes are made.

Mugeary

Mavis enderby (n.)

The almost-completely-forgotten girlfriend from your distant past for whom your wife has a completely irrational jealousy and hatred.

Mavis enderby

Marytavy (n.)

A person to whom, under dire injunctions of silence, you tell a secret which you wish to be fare more widely known.

Marytavy

Memphis (n.)

The little bits of yellow fluff which get trapped in the hinge of the windscreen wipers after polishing the car with a new duster.

Memphis

Meeth (n.)

Something which American doctors will shortly tell us we are all suffering from.

Meeth

Melton constable (n.)

A patent anti-wrinkle cream which policemen wear to keep themselves looking young.

Melton constable

Motspur (n.)

The fourth wheel of a supermarket trolley which looks identical to the other three but renders the trolley completely uncontrollable.

Motspur