Ahenny (n.)

The way people stand when examining other people's bookshelves.

Ahenny

Twomileborris (n.)

A popular East European outdoor game in which the first person to reach the front of the meat queue wins, and the losers have to forfeit their bath plugs.

Twomileborris

Acle (n.)

The rogue pin which shirtmakers conceal in the most improbable fold of a new shirt. Its function is to stab you when you don the garment.

Acle

Lamlash (n.)

The folder on hotel dressing-tables full of astoundingly dull information.

Lamlash

Nanhoron (n. medical)

A tiny valve concealed in the inner ear which enables a deaf grandmother to converse quite normally when she feels like it, but which excludes completely anything that sounds like a request to help with laying the table.

Nanhoron

Ozark (n.)

One who offers to help just after all the work has been done.

Ozark

Glentaggart (n.)

A particular kind of tartan hold-all, made exclusively under licence for British Airways.
  When waiting to collect your luggage from an airport conveyor belt, you will notice that on the next conveyor belt along there is always a single, solitary bag going round and round uncollected. This is a glentaggart, which has been placed there by the baggage-hanling staff to take your mind off the fact that your own luggage will shortly be landing in Murmansk.

Glentaggart

Stoke Poges (n.)

The tapping movements of an index finger on glass made by a person futilely attempting to communicate with either a tropical fish or a post office clerk.

Stoke Poges

Duncraggon (n.)

The name of Charles Bronson's retirement cottage.

Duncraggon

Des Moines (pl. n.)

The two little lines which come down from your nose.

Des Moines

Peoria (n.)

The fear of peeling too few potatoes.

Peoria

Ipswich (n.)

The sound at the other end of the telephone which tells you that the automatic exchange is working very hard but is intending not actually to connect you this time, merely to let you know how difficult it is.

Ipswich

Quabbs (pl. n.)

The substances which emerge when you squeeze a blackhead.

Quabbs

Upottery (n.)

That part of a kitchen cupboard which contains an unnecessarily large number of milk jugs.

Upottery

Ripon (vb.)

(Of literary critics.) To include all the best jokes from the book in the review to make it look as if the critic thought of them.

Ripon

Jurby (n.)

A loose wollen garment reaching to the knees and with three or more armholes, knitted by the wearer's well-meaning but incompetent aunt.

Jurby

Huna (n.)

The result of coming to the wrong decision.

Huna

Polperro (n.)

A polperro is the ball, or muff, off soggy hair found clinging to bath overflow-holes.

Polperro

Yeppoon (n)

One of the hat-hanging corks which Australians wear for making Quantas commercials.

Yeppoon

Nybster (n.)

Sort of person who takes the lift to travel one floor.

Nybster

Knaptoft (n.)

The mysterious fluff placed in your pockets by dry-cleaning firms.

Knaptoft

Wimbledon (n.)

That last drop which, no matter how much you shake it, always goes down your trouser leg.

Wimbledon

Ewelme (n., vb.)

The smile bestowed on you by an air hostess.

Ewelme

Goosnargh (n.)

Something left over from preparing or eating a meal, which you store in the fridge despite tha fact that you know full well you will never ever use it.

Goosnargh

Scramoge (vb.)

To cut oneself whilst licking envelopes.

Scramoge

Frant (n.)

Measure. The legal minimum distance between two trains on the District and Circle lines of the London Underground. A frant, which must be not less than 122 chains (or 8 leagues) long, is not connected in any way with the adjective 'frantic' which comes to us by a completely different route (as indeed do the trains).

Frant

Botley (n.)

The prominent stain on a man's trouser crotch seen on his return from the lavatory. A botley proper is caused by an accident with the push taps, and should not be confused with any stain caused by insufficient waggling of the willy.

Botley

Virginstow (n.)

A Durex machine which doesn't have the phrase 'So was the Titanic' scrawled on it. The word has now fallen into disuse.

Virginstow

Corfe (n.)

An object which is almost totally indistinguishable from a newspaper, the one crucial difference being that it belongs to somebody else and is unaccountably much more interesting than your own - which may otherwise appear to be in all respects identical.
Though it is a rule of life that a train or other public place may contain any number of corfes but only one newspaper, it is quite possible to transform your own perfectly ordinary newspaper into a corfe by the simple expedient of letting somebody else read it.

Corfe

Matching green (adj.)

(Of neckties.) Any colour which Nigel Rees rejects as unsuitable for his trousers or jacket.

Matching green

Thrupp (vb.)

To hold a ruler on one end on a desk and make the other end go bbddbbddbbrrbrrrrddrr.

Thrupp