Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Quall (vb.)

To speak with the voice of one who requires another to do something for them.


Monday, January 30, 2012

Kent (adj.)

Politely determined not to help despite a violent urge to the contrary. Kent expressions are seen on the faces of people who are good at something watching someone else who can't do it at all.


Sunday, January 29, 2012

Amersham (n.)

The sneeze which tickles but never comes. (Thought to derive from the Metropolitan Line tube station of the same name where the rails always rattle but the train never arrives.)


Saturday, January 28, 2012

Pimlico (n.)

Small odd-shaped piece of plastic or curious metal component found in the bottom of kitchen rummage-drawer when spring-cleaning or looking for Sellotape.


Friday, January 27, 2012

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Shifnal (n., vb.)

An awkward shuffling walk caused by two or more people in a hurry accidentally getting into the same segment of revolving door. A similar effect is achieved by people entering three-legged races unwisely joined at the neck instead of the ankles.


Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Pen-tre-tafarn-y-fedw (n.)

Welsh word which literally translates as 'leaking-biro-by-the-glass-hole-of-the-clerk-of-the-bank-has-been-taken-to-another-place-leaving-only-the-special-inkwell-and-three-inches-of-tin-chain'.


Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Nad (n.)

Measure defined as the distance between a driver's outstretched fingertips and the ticket machine in an automatic car-park. 1 nad = 18.4 cm.


Monday, January 23, 2012

Munderfield (n.)

A meadow selected, whilst driving past, as being ideal for a picnic which, from a sitting position, turns out to be full of stubble, dust and cowpats, and almost impossible to enjoy yourself in.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Affcot (n.)

The sort of fart you hope people will talk after.


Saturday, January 21, 2012

Lowther (vb.)

(Of a large group of people who have been to the cinema together.)
To stand aimlessly about on the pavement and argue about whatever to go and eat either a Chinese meal nearby or an Indian meal at a restaurant which somebody says is very good but isn't certain where it is, or have a drink and think about it, or just go home, or have a Chinese meal nearby - until by the time agreement is reached everything is shut.


Friday, January 20, 2012

Berry Pomeroy (n.)

1. The shape of a gourmet's lips.
2. The droplet of saliva which hangs from them.

Berry Pomeroy

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Grimmet (n.)

A small bush from which cartoon characters dangle over the edge of a cliff.


Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Wendens Ambo (n.)

(Veterinary term.) The operation to trace an object swallowed by a cow through all its seven stomachs. Hence, also (1) en expedition to discover where the exits are in the Barican Centre, and (2) a search through the complete works of Chaucer for all the rude bits.

Wendens Ambo

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Tingrith (n.)

The feeling of silver paper against your fillings.


Monday, January 16, 2012

Boseman (n.)

One who spends all day loafing about near pedestrian crossing looking as if he's about to cross.


Sunday, January 15, 2012

Guernsey (adj.)

Queasy but umbowed. The kind of feeling one gets when discovering a plastic compartment in a fridge in which things are growing.


Saturday, January 14, 2012

Oshkosh (n., vb.)

The noise made by someone who has just been grossly flattered and is trying to make light of it.


Friday, January 13, 2012

Pelutho (n.)

A South American ball game. The balls are whacked against a brick wall with a stout wooden bat until the prisoner confesses.


Thursday, January 12, 2012

Gweek (n.)

A coat hanger recycled as a car aerial.


Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Massachusetts (pl.n.)

Those items and particles which people who, after blowing their noses, are searching for when they look into their hankies.


Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Sutton and cheam (nouns)

Sutton and cheam are the kinds of dirt into which all dirt is divided. 'Sutton' is the dark sort that always gets on to light-coloured things, 'cheam' the light-coloured sort that clings to dark items. Anyone who has ever found Marmite stains on a dress-shirt or seagull goo on a dinner jacket (a) knows all about sutton and cheam, and (b) is going to tome very curious dinner parties.

Sutton and cheam

Monday, January 9, 2012

Kerry (n.)

The small twist of skin which separated each sausage on a string.


Sunday, January 8, 2012

Corriemoillie (n.)

The dreadful sinking sensation in a long passageway encounter when both protagonists immediately realize they have plumped for the corriedoo (q.v.) much too early as they are still a good thirty yards apart. They were embarrassed by the pretense of corriecravie (q.v.) and decided to make use of the corriedoo because they felt silly. This was a mistake as corrievorrie (q.v.) will make them seem far sillier.


Saturday, January 7, 2012

Banteer (n. archaic)

A lusty and raucous old ballad sung after a particulary spectacular araglin (q.v.) has been pulled off.


Friday, January 6, 2012

Nacton (n.)

The 'n' with which cheap advertising copywriters replace the word 'and' (as in 'fish 'n' chips', 'mix 'n' match', 'assault 'n' battery'), in the mistaken belief that this is in some way chummy or endearing.


Thursday, January 5, 2012

Grinstead (n.)

The state of a lady's clothing after she has been to powder her nose and has hitched up her tights over her skirt at the back, thus exposing her bottom, and has walked out without noticing it.


Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Luton (n.)

The horseshoe-shaped rug which goes around a lavatory seat.


Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Worgret (n.)

A kind of poltergeist which specialises in stealing new copies of the A-Z from your car.


Monday, January 2, 2012

Greeley (n.)

Someone who continually annoys you by continually apologizing for annoying you.


Sunday, January 1, 2012

Scronkey (n.)

Something that hits the window as a result of a violent sneeze.