Thursday, May 31, 2012

Foindle (vb.)

To queue-jump very discreetly by working one's way up the line without being spotted doing so.


Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Perranzabuloe (n.)

One of those spray things used to wet ironing with.


Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Detchant (n.)

That part of a hymn (usually a few notes at the end of a verse) where the tune goes so high or low that you suddenly have to change octaves to accommodate it.


Monday, May 28, 2012

Smisby (n.)

The correct name for a junior apprentice greengrocer whose main duty is to arrange the fruit so that the bad side is underneath.
From the name of a character not in Dickens.


Sunday, May 27, 2012

Chenies (pl.n.)

The last few sprigs or tassels of last Christmas's decoration you notice on the ceiling while lying on the sofa on an August afternoon.


Saturday, May 26, 2012

Thurnby (n.)

A rucked-up edge of carpet or linoleum which everyone says someone will trip over and break a leg unless it gets fixed. After a year or two someone trips over it and breaks a leg.


Friday, May 25, 2012

Blitterlees (pl. n.)

The little slivers of bamboo picked off a cane chair by a nervous guest which litter the carpet beneath and tell the chair's owner that the whole piece of furniture is about to uncoil terribly and slowly until it resembles a giant pencil sharpening.


Thursday, May 24, 2012

Winkley (n.)

A lost object which turns up immediately you've gone and bought a replacement for it.


Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Aird of Sleat (n. archaic)

Ancient Scottish curse placed from afar on the stretch of land now occupied by Heathrow Airport.

Aird of Sleat

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Little Urswick (n.)

The member of any class who most inclines a teacher towards the view that capital punishment should be introduced in schools.

Little Urswick

Monday, May 21, 2012

Sneem (n.,vb.)

Particular kind of frozen smile bestowed on a small child by a parent in mixed company when question, 'Mummy, what's this?' appears to require the answer,''s a rubber johnny, darling'.


Sunday, May 20, 2012

Market Deeping (participial vb.)

Stealing one piece of fruit from a street fruit-and- vegetable stall.

Market Deeping

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Humby (n.)

An erection which won't go down when a gentleman has to go for a pee in the middle of making love to someone.


Thursday, May 17, 2012

Glassel (n.)

A seaside pebble which was shiny and interesting when wet, and which is now a lump of rock, which children nevertheless insist on filing their suitcases with after the holiday.


Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Papworth Everard (n.)

Technical term for the third take of an orgasm scene during the making of a pornographic film.

Papworth Everard

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Fiunary (n.)

The safe place you put something and then forget where it was.


Monday, May 14, 2012

Scremby (n.)

The dehydrated felt-tip pen attached by a string to the 'Don't Forget' board in the kitchen which has never worked in living memory but which no one can be bothered to throw away.


Sunday, May 13, 2012

Pant-y-wacco (adj.)

The final state of mind of retired colonel before they come to take him away.


Saturday, May 12, 2012

Deal (n.)

The gummy substance found between damp toes.


Friday, May 11, 2012

Saffron Walden (n.)

To spray the person you are talking to with half-chewed breadcrumbs or small pieces of whitebait.

Saffron Walden

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Theakstone (n.)

Ancient mad tramp who jabbers to himself and swears loudly and obscenely on station platforms and traffic islands.


Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Ballycumber (n.)

One of the six half-read books lying somewhere in your bed.


Monday, May 7, 2012

Willimantic (adj.)

Of a person whose hearth is in the wrong place (i.e. between their legs).


Sunday, May 6, 2012

Aigburth (n.)

Any piece of readily identifiable anatomy found amongst cooked meat.


Saturday, May 5, 2012

Sheppy (n.)

Measure of distance (equal to approximately seven eighths of a mile), defined as the closest distance at which sheep remain picturesque.


Friday, May 4, 2012

Lindisfarne (adj.)

Descriptive of the pleasant smell of an empty biscuit tin.


Thursday, May 3, 2012

Hagnaby (n.)

Someone who looked a lot more attractive in the disco than they do in your bed the next morning.


Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Meathop (n.)

One who sets off for the scene of an aircraft crash with a picnic hamper.


Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Gildersome (adj.)

Descriptive of a joke someone tells you which starts well, but which becomes so embellished in the telling that you start to weary of it after scarcely half an hour.