Hull (adj.)

Descriptive of the smell of a weekend cottage.

Hull

Quoyness (n.)

The hatefulness of words like 'relionus' and 'easiephit'.

Quoyness

Plymouth (vb.)

To relate an amusing story to someone without remembering that it was they who told it to you in the first place.

Plymouth

Burton Coggles (pl. n.)

A bunch of keys found in a drawer whose purpose has long been forgotten, and which can therefore now be used only for dropping down people's backs as a cure for nose-bleeds.

Burton Coggles

Feakle (vb.)

To make facial expressions similar to those that old gentlemen make to young girls in the playground.

Feakle

Thrumstrer (n.)

The irritating man next to you in a concert who thinks he's (a) the conductor, (b) the brass section.

Thrumstrer

Poges (pl.n.)

The lumps of dry powder that remain after cooking a packet soup.

Poges

Poona (n.)

Satisfied grunting noise made when sitting back after a good meal.

Poona

Hobbs Cross (n.)

The awkward leaping manoeuvre a girl has to go through in bed in order to make him sleep on the wet patch.

Hobbs Cross

Tweedsmuir (collective n.)

The name given to the extensive collection of hats kept in the downstairs lavatory which don't fit anyone in the family.

Tweedsmuir

Bonkle (n.)

Of plumbing in old hotels, to make loud and unexplained noises in the night, particularly at about five o'clock in the morning.

Bonkle

Neen Sollars (pl.n.)

Any ensemble of especially unflattering and particular garments worn by a woman which tell you that she is right at the forefront of fashion.

Neen Sollars

Ailene (adj.)

Descriptive of the pleasing coolness on the reverse side of the pillow.

Ailene

Luffenham (n.)

Feeling you get when the pubs aren't going to be open for another fortyfive minutes and the luffness in beginning to wear a bit thin.

Luffenham

Crail (n. mineral)

Crail is a common kind of rock or gravel found widely across the British Isles. Each individual stone (due to an as yet undiscovered gravitational property) is charged with 'negative buoyancy'. This means that no matter how much crail you remove from the garden, more of it will rise to the surface. Crail is much employed by the Royal Navy for making the paperweights and ashtrays used inside submarines.

Crail

Wormelow tump (n.)

Any seventeen-year-old who doesn't know about anything at all in the world other than bicycle gears.

Wormelow tump

Duntish (adj.)

Mentally incapacitated by severe hangover.

Duntish

Toronto (n.)

Generic term for anything which comes out in a gush despite all your careful efforts to let it out gently, e.g. flour into a white sauce, tomato ketchup on to fried fish, sperm into a human being, etc.

Toronto

Hoff (vb.)

To deny indignantly something which is palpably true.

Hoff

Molesby (n.)

The kind of family that drives to the seaside and then sits in the car with all the windows closed, reading the Sunday Express and wearing sidcups (q.v.)

Molesby

Droitwich (n.)

A street dance. The two partners approach from opposite directions and try politely to get out of each other's way. They step to the left, step to the right, apologise, step to the left again, apologise again, bump into each other and repeat as often as unnecessary.

Droitwich

Seattle (vb.)

To make a noise like a train going along.

Seattle

Mugeary (n. medical)

The substance from which the unpleasant little yellow globules in the corners of a sleepy person's eyes are made.

Mugeary

Bude (n.)

A polite joke reserved for use in the presence of vicars.

Bude

Araglin (n. archaic)

A medieval practical joke played by young squires on a knight aspirant the afternoon he is due to start his vigil. As the knight arrives at the castle the squires attempt to raise the drawbridge very suddenly as the knight and his charger step on to it.

Araglin

Tyne and Wear (nouns)

The 'Tyne' is the small priceless or vital object accidentally dropped on the floor (e.g. diamond tie clip, contact lens) and the 'wear' is the large immovable object (e.g. Welsh dresser, car-crusher) that it shelters under.

Tyne and Wear

Mavis enderby (n.)

The almost-completely-forgotten girlfriend from your distant past for whom your wife has a completely irrational jealousy and hatred.

Mavis enderby

Screeb (n.)

To make the noise of a nylon anorak rubbing against a pair of corduroy trousers.

Screeb

Abinger (n.)

One who washes up everything except the frying pan, the cheese grater and the saucepan which the chocolate sauce has been made in.

Abinger

Wetwang (n.)

A moist penis.

Wetwang

Gallipoli (adj.)

Of the behaviour of a bottom lip trying to spit mouthwash after an injection at the dentist. Hence, loose, floppy, useless. 'She went suddenly Gallipoli in his arms' - Noel Coward.

Gallipoli

Solent (adj.)

Descriptive of the state of serene self-knowledge reached through drink.

Solent