The feeling of infinite sadness engendered when walking through a place filled with happy people fifteen years younger than yourself.
Glasgow
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
Banff (adj.)
Pertaining to, or descriptive of, that kind of facial expression which is impossible to achieve except when having a passport photograph taken.
Banff
Banff
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Kelling (participial vb.)
A person searching for something, who has reached the futile stage of re-looking in all the places they have looked once already, is said to be kelling.
Kelling
Kelling
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Mapledurham (n.)
A hideous piece of chipboard veneer furniture bought in a suburban high street furniture store and designed to hold exactly a year's supply of Sunday colour supplements.
Mapledurham
Mapledurham
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Percyhorner (n.)
(English public-school slang). A prefect whose duty it is to surprise new boys at the urinal humiliate them in a manner of his choosing.
Percyhorner
Percyhorner
Monday, March 26, 2012
Adlestrop (n.)
That part of a suitcase which is designed to get snarled up on conveyor belts at airports. Some of the more modern adlestrop designs have a special 'quick release' feature which enables the case to flip open at this point and fling your underclothes into the conveyor belt's gearing mechanism.
Adlestrop
Adlestrop
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Deeping St Nicholas (n.)
What street-wise kids do at Christmas. They hide on the rooftops waiting for Santa Claus so that if he arrives and goes down the chimney, they can rip stuff off from his sleigh.
Deeping St Nicholas
Deeping St Nicholas
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Heanton punchardon (n.)
A violent argument which breaks out in the car on the way home from a party between a couple who have had to be polite to each other in company all evening.
Heanton punchardon
Heanton punchardon
Friday, March 23, 2012
Lydiard tregoze (n.)
The opposite of a mavis enderby (q.v.). An unrequited early love of your life who still causes terrible pangs though she inexplicably married a telephone engineer.
Lydiard tregoze
Lydiard tregoze
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Whissendine (n.)
The nose which occurs (often by night) in a strange house, which is too short and too irregular for you ever to be able to find out what it is and where it comes from.
Whissendine
Whissendine
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Tibshelf (n.)
Criss-cross wooden construction hung on a wall in a teenage girl's bedroom which is covered with glass bambies and poodles, matching pigs and porcelain ponies in various postures.
Tibshelf
Tibshelf
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Monks toft (n.)
The bundle of hair which is left after a monk has been tonsured, which he keeps tired up with a rubber band and uses for chasing ants away.
Monks toft
Monks toft
Monday, March 19, 2012
Scethrog (n.)
One of those peculiar beards-without-moustaches worn by religious Belgians and American scientists which help them look like trolls.
Scethrog
Scethrog
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Clackmannan (n.)
The sound made by knocking over an elephant's-foot umbrella stand full of walking sticks. Hence name for a particular kind of disco drum riff.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Hidcote bartram (n.)
To be caught in a hidcote bartram is to say a series of protracted and final goodbyes to a group of people, leave the house and then realize you've left your hat behind.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Pode hole (n.)
A hole drilled in chipboard lavatory walls by homosexuals for any one of a number of purposes.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Hodnet (n.)
The wooden safety platform supported by scaffolding round a building under construction from which the builders (at almost no personal risk) can drop pieces of cement on passers-by.
Hodnet
Hodnet
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Tolstachaolais (phr.)
What the police in Leith require you to say in order to prove that you are not drunk.
Tolstachaolais
Tolstachaolais
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Bealings (pl. n. archaic)
The unsavoury parts of a moat which a knight has to pour out of his armour after being the victim of an araglin (q.v.). In medieval Flanders, soup made from bealings was a very slightly sought-after delicacy.
Bealings
Bealings
Monday, March 12, 2012
Sluggan (n.)
A lurid facial bruise which everyone politely omits to mention because it's obvious that you had a punch-up with your spouse last night - but which into a door. It is useless to volunteer the true explanation because nobody will believe it.
Sluggan
Sluggan
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Kirby (n.)
Small but repulsive piece of food prominently attached to a person's face or clothing. See also Chipping ongar.
Kirby
Kirby
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Dobwalls (pl.n.)
The now hard-boiled bits of nastiness which have to be prised off crockery by hand after it has been through a dishwasher.
Dobwalls
Dobwalls
Friday, March 9, 2012
Bromsgrove (n.)
Any urban environment containing a small amount of dogturd and about forty-five tons of bent steel pylon or a lump of concrete with holes claiming to be sculpture. 'Oh, come my dear, and come with me. And wander 'neath the bromsgrove tree' - Betjeman.
Bromsgrove
Bromsgrove
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Glutt lodge (n.)
The place where food can be stored after having a tooth extracted. Some Arabs can go without sustenance for up to six weeks on a full glutt lodge, hence the expression 'the shit of the dessert'.
Glutt lodge
Glutt lodge
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Totteridge (n.)
The ridiculous two-inch hunch that people adopt when arriving late for the theatre in the vain and futile hope that it will minimise either the embarrassment of the lack of visibility for the rest of the audience. c.f. hickling.
Totteridge
Totteridge
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
Frolesworth (n.)
Measure. The minimum time it is necessary to spend frowning in deep concentration at each picture in an art gallery in order that everyone else doesn't think you've a complete moron.
Frolesworth
Frolesworth
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Ainderby steeple (n.)
One who asks you a question with the apparent motive of wanting to hear your answer, but who cuts short your opening sentence by leaning forward and saying 'and I'll tell you why I ask...' and then talking solidly for the next hour.
Ainderby steeple
Ainderby steeple
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Friday, March 2, 2012
Wivenhoe (n.)
The cry of alacrity with which a sprightly eighty-year-old breaks the ice on the lake when going for a swim on Christmas Eve.
Wivenhoe
Wivenhoe
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Hickling (participial vb.)
The practice of infuriating theatregoers by not only arriving late to a centre-row seat, but also loudly apologizing to and patting each member of the audience in turn.
Hickling
Hickling
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