Foindle (vb.)

To queue-jump very discreetly by working one's way up the line without being spotted doing so.

Foindle

Perranzabuloe (n.)

One of those spray things used to wet ironing with.

Perranzabuloe

Detchant (n.)

That part of a hymn (usually a few notes at the end of a verse) where the tune goes so high or low that you suddenly have to change octaves to accommodate it.

Detchant

Smisby (n.)

The correct name for a junior apprentice greengrocer whose main duty is to arrange the fruit so that the bad side is underneath.
From the name of a character not in Dickens.

Smisby

Chenies (pl.n.)

The last few sprigs or tassels of last Christmas's decoration you notice on the ceiling while lying on the sofa on an August afternoon.

Chenies

Thurnby (n.)

A rucked-up edge of carpet or linoleum which everyone says someone will trip over and break a leg unless it gets fixed. After a year or two someone trips over it and breaks a leg.

Thurnby

Blitterlees (pl. n.)

The little slivers of bamboo picked off a cane chair by a nervous guest which litter the carpet beneath and tell the chair's owner that the whole piece of furniture is about to uncoil terribly and slowly until it resembles a giant pencil sharpening.

Blitterlees

Winkley (n.)

A lost object which turns up immediately you've gone and bought a replacement for it.

Winkley

Aird of Sleat (n. archaic)

Ancient Scottish curse placed from afar on the stretch of land now occupied by Heathrow Airport.

Aird of Sleat

Little Urswick (n.)

The member of any class who most inclines a teacher towards the view that capital punishment should be introduced in schools.

Little Urswick

Sneem (n.,vb.)

Particular kind of frozen smile bestowed on a small child by a parent in mixed company when question, 'Mummy, what's this?' appears to require the answer,' Er...it's a rubber johnny, darling'.

Sneem

Market Deeping (participial vb.)

Stealing one piece of fruit from a street fruit-and- vegetable stall.

Market Deeping

Humby (n.)

An erection which won't go down when a gentleman has to go for a pee in the middle of making love to someone.

Humby

Nether Poppleton (n. obs.)

A pair of P.J.Proby's trousers.

Nether Poppleton

Glassel (n.)

A seaside pebble which was shiny and interesting when wet, and which is now a lump of rock, which children nevertheless insist on filing their suitcases with after the holiday.

Glassel

Papworth Everard (n.)

Technical term for the third take of an orgasm scene during the making of a pornographic film.

Papworth Everard

Fiunary (n.)

The safe place you put something and then forget where it was.

Fiunary

Scremby (n.)

The dehydrated felt-tip pen attached by a string to the 'Don't Forget' board in the kitchen which has never worked in living memory but which no one can be bothered to throw away.

Scremby

Pant-y-wacco (adj.)

The final state of mind of retired colonel before they come to take him away.

Pant-y-wacco

Deal (n.)

The gummy substance found between damp toes.

Deal

Saffron Walden (n.)

To spray the person you are talking to with half-chewed breadcrumbs or small pieces of whitebait.

Saffron Walden

Camer (n.)

A mis-tossed caber.

Camer

Theakstone (n.)

Ancient mad tramp who jabbers to himself and swears loudly and obscenely on station platforms and traffic islands.

Theakstone

Ballycumber (n.)

One of the six half-read books lying somewhere in your bed.

Ballycumber

Willimantic (adj.)

Of a person whose hearth is in the wrong place (i.e. between their legs).

Willimantic

Aigburth (n.)

Any piece of readily identifiable anatomy found amongst cooked meat.

Aigburth

Sheppy (n.)

Measure of distance (equal to approximately seven eighths of a mile), defined as the closest distance at which sheep remain picturesque.

Sheppy

Lindisfarne (adj.)

Descriptive of the pleasant smell of an empty biscuit tin.

Lindisfarne

Hagnaby (n.)

Someone who looked a lot more attractive in the disco than they do in your bed the next morning.

Hagnaby

Meathop (n.)

One who sets off for the scene of an aircraft crash with a picnic hamper.

Meathop

Gildersome (adj.)

Descriptive of a joke someone tells you which starts well, but which becomes so embellished in the telling that you start to weary of it after scarcely half an hour.

Gildersome