Sittingbourne (n.)

One of those conversions where both people are waiting for the other one to shut up so they can get on with their bit.

Sittingbourne

Bolsover (n.)

One of those brown plastic trays with bumps on, placed upside down in boxes of chocolates to make you think you're-getting two layers.

Bolsover

Silloth (n.)

Something that was sticky, and is now furry, found on the carpet under the sofa the morning after a party.

Silloth

Hoylake (n.)

The pool of edible gravy which surrounds an inedible and disgusting lump of meat - eaten to give the impression that the person is 'just not very hungry, but mmm this is delicious'. Cf. Peaslake - a similar experience had by vegetarians.

Hoylake

Brisbane (n.)

A perfectly reasonable explanation (Such as the one offered by a person with a gurgling cough which has nothing to do with the fact that they smoke fifty cigarettes a day.)

Brisbane

Dogdyke (vb.)

Of dog-owners, to adopt the absurd pretence that the animal shitting in the gutter is nothing to do with them.

Dogdyke

Hathersage (n.)

The tiny snippets of beard which coat the inside of a washbasin after shaving in it.

Hathersage

Lowestoft (n.)

(a) The balls of wool which collect on nice new sweaters. (b) The correct name for 'navel fluff'.

Lowestoft

Brough Sowerby (n.)

One who has been working at that same desk in the same office for fifteen years and has very much his own ideas about why he is continually passed over for promotion.

Brough Sowerby

Golant (adj.)

Blank, sly and faintly embarrassed. Pertaining to the expression seen on the face of someone who has clearly forgotten your name.

Golant

Scrabster (n.)

One of those dogs which has it off on your leg during tea.

Scrabster

Low Ardwell (n.)

Seductive remark made hopefully in the back of a taxi.

Low Ardwell

Burnt Yates (pl. n.)

Condition to which yates (q.v.) will suddenly pass without any apparent interviewing period, after the spirit of the throckmorton (q.v.) has finally been summoned by incessant throcking (q.v.)

Burnt Yates

Pott Shrigley (n.)

Dried remains of a week-old casserole, eaten when extremely drunk at two a.m.

Pott Shrigley

Clenchwarton (n. archaic)

One who assists an exorcist by squeezing whichever part of the possessed the exorcist deems useful.

Clenchwarton

Scrabby (n.)

A curious-shaped duster given to you by your mother which on closer inspection turns out to be half an underpant.

Scrabby

Beaulieu Hill (n.)

The optimum vantage point from which one to view people undressing in the bedroom across the street.

Beaulieu Hill

Tolstachaolais (phr.)

What the police in Leith require you to say in order to prove that you are not drunk.

Tolstachaolais

Ambleside (n.)

A talk given about the Facts of Life by a father to his son whilst walking in the garden on a Sunday afternoon.

Ambleside

Harpenden (n.)

The coda to a phone conversion, consisting of about eight exchanges, by which people try gracefully to get off the line.

Harpenden

Longniddry (n.)

A droplet which persists in running out of your nose.

Longniddry