Slogarie (n.)

Hillwalking dialect for the seven miles of concealed rough moorland which lie between what you though was the top of the hill and what actually is.

Slogarie

Tuamgraney (n.)

A hideous wooden ornament that people hang over the mantelpiece to prove they've been to Africa.

Tuamgraney

Bures (n.medical)

The scabs on knees and elbows formed by a compulsion to make love on cheap Habitat floor-matting.

Bures

Corstorphine (n.)

A very short peremptory service held in monasteries prior to teatime to offer thanks for the benediction of digestive biscuits.

Corstorphine

Brymbo (n.)

The single unappetising bun left in a baker's shop after four p.m.

Brymbo

Shenandoah (n.)

The infinite smugness of one who knows they are entitled to a place in a nuclear bunker.

Shenandoah

Duggleby (n.)

The person in front of you in the supermarket queue who has just unloaded a bulging trolley on to the conveyor belt and is now in the process of trying to work out which pocket they left their cheque book in, and indeed which pair of trousers.

Duggleby

Burwash (n.)

The pleasurable cool sloosh of puddle water over the toes of your gumboots.

Burwash

Hever (n.)

The panic caused by half-hearing Tannoy in an airport.

Hever

Bishop’s Caundle (n.)

An opening gambit before a game of chess whereby the missing pieces are replaced by small ornaments from the mantelpiece.

Bishop’s Caundle

Shoeburyness (abs.n.)

The vague uncomfortable feeling you get when sitting on a seat which is still warm from somebody else's bottom.

Shoeburyness

Cotterstock (n.)

A piece of wood used to stir paint and thereafter stored uselessly in a shed in perpetuity.

Cotterstock

Bursledon (n.)

The bluebottle one is too tired to get up and start, but not tired enough to sleep through.

Bursledon

High Limerigg (n.)

The topmost tread of a staircase which disappears when you're climbing the stairs in the darkness.

High Limerigg

Skibbereen (n.)

The noise made by a sunburned thighs leaving plastic chair.

Skibbereen

Duluth (adj.)

The smell of a taxi out of which people have just got.

Duluth

Blithbury (n.)

A look someone gives you by which you become aware that they're much too drunk to have understood anything you've said to them in the last twenty minutes.

Blithbury

Shrivenham (n.)

One of Germaine Greer's used-up lovers.

Shrivenham

Cranleigh (n.)

A mood of irrational irritation with everyone and everything.

Cranleigh

Burbage (n.)

The sound made by a liftful of people all trying to breathe politely through their noses.

Burbage

Hoddlesden (n.)

An 'injured' footballer's limp back into the game which draws applause but doesn't fool anybody.

Hoddlesden